YES, STILL HURTS

This is dedicated to people who live with chronic pain, because as in other issues, many people don’t understand, even if we have many around who mean well. Especially right now in what it has been called an OPIOIDS epidemic, we are treated many times as criminals, without understanding pain and without giving us other options. I see you, you are not invisible. [#YOUMATTER]**strong

YES, STILL HURTS

1 Oxycontin

A pair of Norco’s

and many ay, ay, ay, ay

AY.

Walking over needles

running over flames

unable to breathe

as if someone grabbing

a plastic bag

over my head,

holding me back,

AH, AH, AH!

This is the way

someone with pain

lives every day,

'cause chronic pain means

EACH ONE OF THE MOVIE FRAMES.

Rattle the bottle

learning by sound

which pill to take

and which one

order in advance,

'cause that’s the way

the system works,

a very small window

FOR “YOUR OWN GOOD”

and control.

Another OXI,

Lorazepam,

It’s not that I’m a fan,

but believe me,

I keep trying

everything possible to survive.

Chemo saved me from Cancer,

but no doubt screw me up,

do you know what it is to be

sleeping every night

in a bed made of nails

that shoot from my feet

into my eyes?

some kind of weird crucifixion

asking always why, oh why?

ANOTHER OXYCONTIN

ANOTHER PAIR OF NORCO’s

and a constant AY, AY, AY, AY.

I know that is stupid

to think what have I done?

to live in constant pain

in my body and in my soul.

If I dream, but I’m awake,

the clock keeps ticking

constantly afraid,

anxiety tiding me up,

and NOT IN a GOOD WAY.

I keep walking, and walking,

and walking and walking,

at a tune of a crazy maniac song,

while the real me

is laying down

as if I was no longer alive

inside the forever box,

six feet under,

six feet tall,

STOP my nerves and my muscles

for keep walking ON and ON;

I smile,

I stand tall,

proud of who I am,

looking fine

I know.

But here and there

a few can read

the secret story

behind my lips.

Because the invisible

heavy monster

always hanging

over my shoulders

KNOWS,

that when I close

the door of my bedroom

I will allow him

express himself

through ME.

I CRY, I SCREAM,

I HIT MY LEGS

as trying to scare him away…

BUT…

By now…

I forgot what it is

to live without pain,

vaguely remember

the heaven that was

a normal life.

So, forgive me,

I know you mean well,

but don’t ask me again

ARE YOU HURTING RIGHT NOW?

IT NEVER GOES AWAY,

NEVER!

But you know something?

next time,

if you still see me around,

I will be smiling and singing and dancing

THROUGH MY “NORMAL” SIMPLE LIVING.

Jesus Guillen

September 3rd, 2020

COVID19 Times

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